Notice: This work is Copyright © 2003 by Simba Wiltz. This story may not be sold or used for commercial profit in any form or fashion, modified in any way, posted on a mirror site or any other Internet site without the written permission of the author. This story may not be distributed on print, magnetic, electrical or optical mediums.  This story is an independent work of fiction, and any similarities to other events or stories are coincidental.

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    "Hi."

    Thanks for volunteering, Bob. Now, let's begin. For example, what happens if one takes a hammer and uses it to shatter Bob's kneecap.

    "OW!! Motherfffff, GEEZ that hurts! Gah!"

    As you can see from his exclamations and his rapid descent to the ground, this obviously hurt Bob. It could easily be considered slapstick humor, except the element of real pain is keeping Bob down.

    "Oh, the pain…the pain…"

    Hearing Bob's repeated mention of the pain reminds the audience that he is still in pain, and therefore, his situation should still be funny. However, after the initial pain is inflicted, should this even still be funny, it moves into the realm of Schadenfreude, or, enjoying oneself at the expense of another's pain. Now, let's say we take said hammer and shatter Bob's other kneecap.

    "AAGH! Why, God?! Why?!"

    Bob's situation has now gone from just a little pain to double the amount of pain. Tonya Harding and her involvement in the infamous kneecap assault on Nancy Kerrigan made the 'calling on God' routine popular in 1994, and has remained a comedy classic since. We also reintroduce the point of original laughter (ie: the pain), making it funny once again, even as Bob writhes to drag himself out of our clutches.

    As we drag Bob by the ankles back over to our experimental grounds, this might prove funny to some of you interested in sadistic humor. Forcing him to continue the experiment, even after he's surely endured some pain is a comical situation for some people, right Bob?

    "Go to hell!"

    For the next part of the experiment, we've stolen a few pictures from the latest abortion protests and are forcing Bob to look through them.

    "*ulp* I think I'm going to throw up."

    We have brought Bob a toilet, which he has shamelessly thrust his face into and is retching at multiple intervals. As Bob continues his prayer to the porcelain god, this makes a good example of what is sometimes known as 'toilet humor'. Before the scent of roasted gastric juices reaches us, this would be a good time to move away from the toilet and help Bob back home so he can wash out his mouth.

    "I'll never eat another garlic and onion hot dog with chili again."

    Since Bob's been a good sport, we've brought him a nice comfy chair to sit in and also his mail. What's this? He seems to have gotten a letter from the NBA! Apparently someone is willing to offer him a lot of money to play, and Bob is very excited.

    "Woo-hoo! In your face, college! I'm outta here!"

    Not so fast, Bob. You've forgotten that we've taken a hammer to both your kneecaps. Our orthopedist is saying that it looks bad and chances are you may never walk again, let alone play basketball.

    "NOOOOOO!"

    As Bob proceeds to try to strangle himself with a phone cord, this provides an excellent example of situational humor. The mysteries of human humor may never be solved in our lifetime, but experiments like this continue to provide us with evidence that may eventually lead to an answer. Thanks for tuning in.